living in the middle

Middle
inbetween.
peacemaker
Comprimiser
Free-willed
mis understood
quiet
very capable of functioning on their own.
Defined

Im not quite sure why i always think of things to say at the latest hours of the day. Is it because i am generally alone and left to ponder upon my thoughts? or that i can think about my day?. Or is it the fact that we are not busy and capable of keeping ourself busy, we are left to sit in silence with what has been under the surface...
Yet at the same time the most beautiful thoughts, poems, lyrics, and images develope late at night. for the most part this intrigues me.

The middle..
never outspoken, but more free willed than the average. quiet, but bright. And always the peacemaker. Comprimising in order to keep a pleasent aura in the room. Time and time again they approach the one person that they'd like to speak to. As the heart yearns to open up, and talk to the one person she never seems to connect with. But each time seems to be a failure. Work. A new job. A sick relative. a needing sibbling. And they let that pass by. comprimising, putting the other first. Yet part of their very soul seems to fill with a form of anguish, and hurt, and less hope of understanding. Leading to more time alone, in search of who they are.

Truth be told. she knows what she is and what she is not. They, the one she attempts to speak to,  seem to lack understanding because they cannot see past their busy day in the office. They cannot see that she needs a moment to speak the words that have been tingling among her lips like honey. The words that are trapped, and staining her... unable to escape. the one she wishes to open up to she shoves farther away in fear of mis understanding.  A blank stare. A response that lacks depth. Yet she is capable of pressing on and discovering who God wants them to be; with or without them.
____________________________________________________________________________________

We dont need a second anybody. We need a first you.
[ i ] lose trust in Gods vision of our story. it seems to good to be true.
so [ i ] go searching for identity.

we long to be comftorable in our own skin

But the thing we search for is not somewhere else. It is right here.
and we can find it when we give the search up.
when we surrender, and trust God.

trust that God is putting us back together.
shaping us.

- velvet elvis-


truth;
i know who i want to be
I fear that who i am will be mis understood
I no longer care to be understood.

Tanya elizabeth.


_________________________________________

middle;
Humble
broken
Beautiful
Loved
accepting
Free-willed
Undefined
undiscovered
falling in love with God
A bit fearful
Seeking faith like a child
quiet
Bright- outspoken
waiting to take hold of the unseen.
i believe


-me-


p.s
if this seems a bit impossible to figure out or understand...
well maybe i was just writing to me.
[ because few read these]

And my world is twisted upside down
surrounded by those that are what define love
and i want so much for you to be part of that claim
and i want so much to know everythign about you and what makes your name

and you are beautiful
you are what makes me smile
and you make me wish that we were clsoe
and i want you to see what i see when i look at you

cus you make me laugh
and i love your eyes
i like your voice
and how you always make me feel surprised

but right now i feel so twisted up
my mind is shook and all i want
is a great big hug
a great big hug from you...

and ill know im safe
and it will be fine.
i know im safe and that you are mine
and i want so much to be defined
but along this way i want to learn that you are mine.

You are something else
and it was worth the drive
and all that time i spend with you from day to night
You were worth the time
you were worth my breath.

and i hope you see that i want to give until there is nothing left.
cus for you im willing to give until nothing is left.
you are the best
so ill give to you
until i have not one more breath.

5'5" with bright blue eyes
size 8 shoes that you dont try to hide
remembered from the year before
we stopped and stared before i said hello

and its all new.
its something fresh
its all uncharted and i must confess
that im swirling around
and im not sure where ill go

im holding on and still trying to get out on my own
You seem on your way. and you praise my plans
you seem on your way, and i have not a clue
as to who you are... and where your from
and you have not a clue to what you have done

I am twisted up and i not know what to do
i am seeking my life, and its all so new.
new people, and new faces, old people
that find there way.. There way back to me

Im amazed,
and ill see you again
im convinced that this aquaintace doestn have to end
so lets stay in touch, and ill see you soon.
we had some fun
and i loved being with you

5'5" with bright blue eyes
size 8 shoe that you dont hide.
we stopped and stared for quite some time
you looked at me, and then we went to ride.

i am not filled with doubt, nor fear.. I am only filled with Wonder. i do not know what to do, but i am enjoying where i am at. I am craving change, and adventure, and i think i am gettin that where i am right now. And this pleases me. Its somewhat challenging, but it interests me to the means of no end.